Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Humility and Patience


[hyoo-mil-i-tee or, often, yoo-] 
the quality or condition of being humble;  modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc


the quality of being patient,  as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay:

I realized the other day after the eagerness of one of my followers (haha...yes, people really do read my blog) that it has been a couple of months since my last post.  Love Construction is still in business, although we have not started any new projects.  One reason that we have not tackled any new projects is because we have no idea where we will be in the next six months.  What? Where?  You're crazy!  You just built a house!  I know.  I know.  And yes, I KNOW!!!  Funny thing about life is that we all think we have it under control.  We think if we do x and y, we will get z.  We think if we make plans, write those plans out, discuss those plans with our spouse, then those plans will effortlessly work themselves into the future.  Well, here is a hint:  We don't have life under control.  Life has these twists and turns that catch us off guard no matter how prepared we think we are.  When I used to attend the Newman Center in Kent, the Father once said if you really want to make God laugh, tell God exactly when things were going to happen and how.  In other words, God has a plan for us; it is up to us to sit back and be PATIENT.

I think one of the reasons I've avoided the blog was because of the twists and turns my life has thrown at me.  I was embarrassed of my recent decision to leave law school.  I had my plan, wrote out my plan and discussed it with Scott.  But for me, it just didn't work out.  It was an extremely hard pill for me to swallow.  I've never quit anything before, especially school.  But there, I've admitted:  I am a law school quitter.  A law school drop out.  A law school failure.  As hard as those words burn my confidence, it is the truth.  But here is my disclaimer:  I didn't quit because it was too hard or because I failed out or because Scott resented me or because I wasn't able to balance my family and school.  Actually, I balanced my family and school quite well.  I wasn't the best student, but I managed to stay in the middle pack of my class.  Yeah, law school was hard, but it wasn't the massive reading assignments that finally made me turn my back on the J.D.; it was the insincerity of my desire for the degree.  I was doing it for the wrong reasons.  I wanted to make a lot of money; well here's some more news:  Young attorneys come out of school with nearly, if not more than 100K in debt, jobs - just like every industry - are hard to come by, and attorneys can spend the rest of their lives climbing out of their mountain of debt.  That isn't everyone's story, but there are enough young J.D.'s telling this story that it was enough to deter me, but after the fact.  Reason two:  I didn't want to be an attorney.  Even from the beginning I honestly thought that having a J.D. to add to my resume was going to magically help me woo the hearts of potential employers.  When in fact, it might have actually hurt me because it may have raised the red flag of "Can we afford her?".  I will admit that I made an impromptu, unresearched decision, but I will not admit that I couldn't do the program, because I could.

So fast forward four months and I'm STILL looking for a job.  I've sent out a hundred resumes, had thirty rejection emails/letters, ten phone interviews, five in-person interviews, two second interviews, one trip to Dallas, and zero offers.  (Insert blog title here <Humility and Patience>).  Instead, I am now working at the Gap, as a sales associate, to help make ends meet.  Last night I had my first shift at the register.  Fifteen minutes into my shift a guy I went to high school with walks in.  We chatted.  He's a doctor - in digestive medicine - getting ready to move to Chicago.  Oh, and he also managed to get a Master's degree somewhere between undergrad and med school.  I'm working at the Gap.  Completely, totally, nothing, wrong with working there (or in retail, restaurants, etc...)  This is a ME problem. I'm learning HUMILITY and need to get over my own manufactured issues.  I then got into my 1999 Avalon with 250,000 miles, but not before I struggled to open the door with the quarter of an inch of handle left on the driver's side door that is nearly impossible to grab.  The tank was on empty and I could smell the obnoxious scent of burning oil, so I stopped to get gas.  I popped both the trunk and the gas tank because in order to open the gas tank door you have to dig around in the trunk, find a little lever, and manually pop open the gas door.   After filling up the tank, I decided I wanted to get some fries.  As I pulled up to the drive-through, I unbuckled, unlocked the door, and opened the door to order my dollar fries.  I did the same to pay the cashier, all because the driver's side window does not go down.  This is all a true story.

So, I promise my next post will be about my wonderful kids and my pretty awesome husband, but I needed to get this off of my mind.  I'm still learning patience and humility each day.  It has been an extremely hard lesson to learn but I am thankful for the stronger and more compassionate person I will become once I get through my lesson.  Until then, let me know if you want something from the Gap, I get a kick-ass discount. 


  1. This is soooooo funny to me. Such great had me cracking up even though I know the feeling of this post first hand (minus the law school).
    I never passed my college engr exit exam to become an engr-in-training. I've been applying to alllll kinds of jobs, entry level in other fields as well as some engineering ones w/ no luck. Its discouraging.
    So thank goodness I decided to finally put my pity-party attention into a devotional book. The pages are so short that its too easy of a read really but I came across one quote that just made me go a-ha!
    "Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes."
    Isn't that just great. So back to positive thinking I go. Its easy for me to get tangled up with negative thoughts.
    Oh and I'm going to apply at DSW since they're hiring! Lol.
    Now if they don't hire me, I'll be pissed!!!! ::stay away negative thoughts:: ::fingers crossed::

  2. Megan, so glad you posted this as I have been thinking about you, missing you and wondering what was going on in your world. This is what blogs are for after all. I did know people followed your blog, I did NOT know they were allowed to harass you and punk you into writing more. I have taken note :)

    I want to say sorry to hear that all this is going on, but it seems like though it's hard and feels sucky you are also feeling empowered by your decisions. I am glad you didn't continue doing what you "should" do and followed your gut and did what felt Right to you. You will never be lead astray doing that. I fully support you!

    When I get back to the States I can only HOPE the Gap will hire me!! I am not looking for any career, I want to do my own thing and I am willing to work somewhere cool and fun to bring in the dough in the meantime! Ain't no shame in your game!

    I admire you being able to juggle everything (and look so damn hot the whole time!!) I can't wait to see you my sister, the countdown is on. Sending you lots of love and support... JCov

  3. I heart you so much. Waiting tables back at the Pasta Factory is not what I planned, but it pays the bills and makes me smile. I know something at the Gap will make you smile once in awhile.

    As for law school, you didn't fail at anything! You made a very grown-up, pragmatic, realistic decision; one that you should be proud of and celebrate.

    Hugs and kisses to all the Weidner's, but especially extra for you--you have set a wonderful example for your kids; you showed them how strong you are and what we all have to do to survive sometimes. Always knew you were a badass ;)