Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Humility and Patience


[hyoo-mil-i-tee or, often, yoo-] 
the quality or condition of being humble;  modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc


the quality of being patient,  as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay:

I realized the other day after the eagerness of one of my followers (haha...yes, people really do read my blog) that it has been a couple of months since my last post.  Love Construction is still in business, although we have not started any new projects.  One reason that we have not tackled any new projects is because we have no idea where we will be in the next six months.  What? Where?  You're crazy!  You just built a house!  I know.  I know.  And yes, I KNOW!!!  Funny thing about life is that we all think we have it under control.  We think if we do x and y, we will get z.  We think if we make plans, write those plans out, discuss those plans with our spouse, then those plans will effortlessly work themselves into the future.  Well, here is a hint:  We don't have life under control.  Life has these twists and turns that catch us off guard no matter how prepared we think we are.  When I used to attend the Newman Center in Kent, the Father once said if you really want to make God laugh, tell God exactly when things were going to happen and how.  In other words, God has a plan for us; it is up to us to sit back and be PATIENT.

I think one of the reasons I've avoided the blog was because of the twists and turns my life has thrown at me.  I was embarrassed of my recent decision to leave law school.  I had my plan, wrote out my plan and discussed it with Scott.  But for me, it just didn't work out.  It was an extremely hard pill for me to swallow.  I've never quit anything before, especially school.  But there, I've admitted:  I am a law school quitter.  A law school drop out.  A law school failure.  As hard as those words burn my confidence, it is the truth.  But here is my disclaimer:  I didn't quit because it was too hard or because I failed out or because Scott resented me or because I wasn't able to balance my family and school.  Actually, I balanced my family and school quite well.  I wasn't the best student, but I managed to stay in the middle pack of my class.  Yeah, law school was hard, but it wasn't the massive reading assignments that finally made me turn my back on the J.D.; it was the insincerity of my desire for the degree.  I was doing it for the wrong reasons.  I wanted to make a lot of money; well here's some more news:  Young attorneys come out of school with nearly, if not more than 100K in debt, jobs - just like every industry - are hard to come by, and attorneys can spend the rest of their lives climbing out of their mountain of debt.  That isn't everyone's story, but there are enough young J.D.'s telling this story that it was enough to deter me, but after the fact.  Reason two:  I didn't want to be an attorney.  Even from the beginning I honestly thought that having a J.D. to add to my resume was going to magically help me woo the hearts of potential employers.  When in fact, it might have actually hurt me because it may have raised the red flag of "Can we afford her?".  I will admit that I made an impromptu, unresearched decision, but I will not admit that I couldn't do the program, because I could.

So fast forward four months and I'm STILL looking for a job.  I've sent out a hundred resumes, had thirty rejection emails/letters, ten phone interviews, five in-person interviews, two second interviews, one trip to Dallas, and zero offers.  (Insert blog title here <Humility and Patience>).  Instead, I am now working at the Gap, as a sales associate, to help make ends meet.  Last night I had my first shift at the register.  Fifteen minutes into my shift a guy I went to high school with walks in.  We chatted.  He's a doctor - in digestive medicine - getting ready to move to Chicago.  Oh, and he also managed to get a Master's degree somewhere between undergrad and med school.  I'm working at the Gap.  Completely, totally, nothing, wrong with working there (or in retail, restaurants, etc...)  This is a ME problem. I'm learning HUMILITY and need to get over my own manufactured issues.  I then got into my 1999 Avalon with 250,000 miles, but not before I struggled to open the door with the quarter of an inch of handle left on the driver's side door that is nearly impossible to grab.  The tank was on empty and I could smell the obnoxious scent of burning oil, so I stopped to get gas.  I popped both the trunk and the gas tank because in order to open the gas tank door you have to dig around in the trunk, find a little lever, and manually pop open the gas door.   After filling up the tank, I decided I wanted to get some fries.  As I pulled up to the drive-through, I unbuckled, unlocked the door, and opened the door to order my dollar fries.  I did the same to pay the cashier, all because the driver's side window does not go down.  This is all a true story.

So, I promise my next post will be about my wonderful kids and my pretty awesome husband, but I needed to get this off of my mind.  I'm still learning patience and humility each day.  It has been an extremely hard lesson to learn but I am thankful for the stronger and more compassionate person I will become once I get through my lesson.  Until then, let me know if you want something from the Gap, I get a kick-ass discount.